YOUR TOP MONEY POSITION – HOW TO INSURE YOUR FUTURE TOGETHER

So finally, all the noise, excitement,
unsolicited advice and stress have died
down, and you’re married. What next? You
quickly discover as a newlywed that life, as
you knew it, will never be the same. As you
and your sweetheart start your life together,
you begin to learn things about one
another, things that only living in close
proximity with someone can reveal.
Perhaps the first thing you realize is that
those decisions you used to make
unconsciously or impulsively, now need to
be tabled before another party and
‘discussed’. Remember how you could just
disappear for a weekend with the boys, just
eatin’ and chillin’? Or how you could simply
take off to Dubai with friends to do some
shopping? Well, from here on, it takes two
to agree to those decisions.
Or you discover that one is a better money
manager than the other, or that one of you
is more frugal with money than you
assumed. As newlyweds, you’ll get a lot of
advice, suggestions, tips, tricks, secrets…
but very few people (apart from church
counsellors it seems) actually sit
prospective couples down to talk about the
money, its importance and its potentially
destructive nature in marriage if not
managed properly.
One of the trickiest aspects of marriage
unsurprisingly, is working out the family
finances. Will the family have a joint
account, or will each spouse maintain
separate accounts? Who pays for what?
Who will manage what? Perhaps even more
friction-inducing- will the family have
investments/savings, and what should they
be? According to a Kansas State University
researcher [1] , “arguments about money are
by far the top predictor of divorce.” As we
said before, this is not very surprising.
While it is more ideal to have ‘the money
talk’ before tying the knot, tackling money
issues early in your marriage can prevent
money fights in the future. It’s very
important to understand that the way your
partner feels about money or finances is
often shaped by his/her experiences with it
growing up. You may believe that investing
is the Holy Grail while he/she sees it as a
precursor to disaster. Knowing how your
partner views money will help to make the
conversation easier.
So, what money positions are out there and
which is the best or more appropriate for
you?
The 69 Position : in the 69, both partners
may be in the same marriage, but
financially their heads are in opposite
directions. One partner feels that money
should be spent one way, while the other
feels it should be utilized another way.
Depending on whom the dominant partner
is, this type of position usually breeds
resentment and often secrecy and distrust
in the long run. One partner may begin to
hide purchases or financial decisions from
the other because they believe that that
partner won’t understand and therefore not
approve of such purchase.
The Missionary: here , both partners are on
the same page, but one partner is on top
i.e. controls the purse strings. Traditionally,
it’s been the man; he makes the dosh,
doles it out and often dictates how it will
be spent. This position occurs often where
only one partner works. The effect of this
is that the other partner is left in the dark
about the handling and management of the
family’s finances. Countless stories abound
of women especially; who were left
floundering after the breadwinner died,
without a clue about things like balancing a
check book, managing insurance,
mortgages, etc. Caveat - this does not apply
to every missionary position.
The Canine Style : in this position, one
partner is the dominant money provider
while the other partner has no clue as to
what the other partner does to earn money
but knows that he/she is well able to
provide. They thus have very little say in
how such money is spent, and such partner
is therefore dependent on the other’s
generosity when it comes to disbursement
of such funds.
The Rider : In this position, one partner
definitely outspends the other. Such
partners find it difficult to deny themselves
things they desire or believe they are
entitled to. Though the item in question
may be for the family’s use (50” inch flat
screen, anyone?) or solely one partner’s use
(e.g. a brand new exercise bike), both
partners end up carrying the burden.
The Hoarder: one partner believes in saving
and saving and saving every penny for the
rainy day. The problem is that the skies are
always clear and sunny. In this type of
position, the other partner may feel virtuous
at first in putting something by, but if not
careful, virtue may morph into resentment
as the pain of continuously denying
themselves the pleasure of enjoying some
things seems unending.
The Kissing Lotus: here, both partners are
not only in the same marriage and on the
same page, but they share the same
financial goals. They know what each
partner earns, agree how much each person
will contribute to the family account, what
they’ll save money towards, and how and
when it will be disbursed. Needless to say
that this position is the hardest to assume
as it demands total honesty and
transparency from each partner and the
discipline to stick to agreed goals, no
matter the temptation or distraction.
It is very possible to combine the afore-
mentioned positions in one marriage. For
instance, the husband may be a hoarder
while the wife is more used to the
missionary position. The good thing is that
whatever position you practice, there are
investment plans that will suit you.
However, as newlyweds, we know that you
are aiming to give your marriage the very
best chance of success, which is why we
recommend the Kissing Lotus . It’s the most
difficult position to practice, but once you
get used to it, it offers the best chance of
success and satisfaction for those couples
brave enough to choose it.
For the right financial strategies and advice
that will work for you, call our KISS agents
on 0700-MERISTEM. They will be more than
willing to help