4 Unconventional Steps Extremely Successful People Take in Life

The key thing that separates them from the crowd is
their unwavering self-discipline to actually get the
right things done.
I’m betting you have stuff you want to do — stuff you
know you should be doing. But it doesn’t get done.
Why? You need to go from dreaming to doing… but
it’s difficult to get going.
You want to excel more at work, get better grades,
learn a new skill, get those six-pack abs, or spend
more quality time with your family… but it’s not
happening.  Instead you just procrastinate.
So what can help get you going when you’re not
motivated to achieve your longer-term goals? What’s
the secret?
Angel and I have observed a simple four-step process
repeated consistently in the habits and routines of the
most successful people we know.
The first step, believe it or not, is dreaming. We’re
all pretty good at that — but it’s only part of the
process.  In fact, if you do it wrong it can actually
make things worse. Here’s how to do it right…
1. Dream (But Don’t Stop There)
Everything starts with a dream. But if that’s all you
do, you’re in serious trouble.
Also, having a positive attitude is an explicit
requirement, because a negative attitude makes us
more likely to quit — or to never even begin in the
first place.
But when that positive attitude becomes a constant
habit of fantasizing, things go south really quick. Yes,
that’s right, tirelessly dreaming about success is not
constructive.
Again and again (somewhat to our surprise at first),
our course members and coaching clients have had
the same negative outcomes from over-fantasizing
about what they want. Big fantasies, wishes and
dreams detached from real life experience (action)
never translates into the necessary motivation to
create a more energized, engaged life. It translates
into the opposite — more procrastination.
Why? The inexperienced, emotional human brain
just can’t tell the difference between fantasy and
reality.
When you fantasize, certain parts of your brain think
you’ve actually achieved your goal.  So rather than
ramping up, motivation actually pulls back. From
what we’ve experienced through coaching thousands
of people over the past decade, the main reason
positive fantasies often predict poor achievement is
because they do not actually generate enough energy
to pursue the desired outcome. They don’t get people
out of their chairs!
Too much dreaming turns positive thinking into mere
wishful thinking.
So if it doesn’t work, why in the world do we do it so
often? Plain and simple: it feels good.
Just like stuffing your face with chocolate cake or
checking your email for the 70th time today, it feels
good in the moment — but is counterproductive to
long-term success.
Constant dreaming about success in the future seems
to protect our egos against sadness in the short-term,
but then promotes sadness over the long-term if
that’s all we do. Because lofty expectations are being
built but aren’t being backed by any substantial
means to get from point A to point B.
Want to lose weight? Those who merely dream of
looking thinner often lose significantly less weight
than those who envision themselves gaining weight if
they don’t take deliberate and immediate action.
Want to meet that special someone? The more
frequently our course members and coaching clients
have admitted to indulging in positive fantasies, the
less likely they reported initiating a real relationship .
Okay, you get the idea. Dreaming by itself leads to
nowhere worthwhile.  So, what are the missing steps?
2. Aim for a specific outcome.
This part isn’t too difficult. You just need to take your
dream and crystalize it. Be ultra-specific.
So if “making more money” is your dream, your
desired outcome might be “get a raise at my next
annual performance review.”
Dreaming of a better work-life balance? Your
outcome could be “A daily work schedule that allows
me to be free every afternoon at 4 P.M. sharp and off
during weekends.”
(For more on setting goals and actually achieving them, check
out Getting Back to Happy.)
So your dream is now clear. But this is when things
get trickier and a bit more unconventional. It’s time
to be constructively negative…
3. Visualize your obstacles ahead of time.
We call this “mental contrasting.”  You need to
consciously think about the obstacles that could
potentially prevent you from achieving your desired
outcome.
This might seem counterintuitive at first, but it’s a
strategy that works wonders.  And here’s what’s
really interesting: As we’ve used this method in our
coaching practice over the years, some people who do
this get more focused almost instantly, while others
end up less motivated in the short-term.
Does that mean this strategy is defective?  No, it
means it’s truly working. Here’s why:
The people who do not get a boost of focus are often
the ones who realize the “specific outcome” they are
aiming for is not specific enough or simply not
reasonable – meaning they’re aiming for a goal too
big and overwhelming for their current mindset.
So this mental contrasting doesn’t only motivate
people to get the right things done, it also helps them
break their bigger long-term goals into achievable
shorter-term goals that they can wrap their minds
around and get excited about, right now.  So…
When people visualize their obstacles and realize
they have a good chance of overcoming them (“I
want to get a raise this year”), motivation increases.
Those who visualize their obstacles and realize their
goals are too lofty and not specific enough (“I want to
make a billion dollars this week”) report less
motivation.
The latter are deterred from dreaming the wrong
dream again and again, and so they tighten up their
focus and don’t waste any more of their time. Thus,
outcomes for both groups that use mental contrasting
are positive.
The bottom line is that to be successful, we have to
envision what could go wrong, and what will
inevitably go wrong, in advance, before we begin.
Far too many ambitious people fail for easily
preventable reasons. Far too many people don’t have
a well-thought-out backup plan because they refuse to
consider something might not go exactly as they
dreamed it would.
Today, this strategy not only helps entrepreneurs
close billion dollar business deals, it saves lives. Prior
to my career in personal development and life
coaching, I spent a decade working for the U.S.
Marine Corps.  One thing I learned from the high-
ranking officers I worked for: They spend a vast
majority of their mission training time going over
every possible mistake or catastrophe that could
happen during the mission. Every possible error is
mercilessly examined and linked to a suitable
reaction: If the aircraft is hit and losing altitude, we’ll
do X.  If we are forced to make an emergency landing
in enemy territory, we’ll do Y. If we are
outnumbered on the ground, we’ll do Z.
(For more on using “obstacle visualization” to improve
decision-making, read Decisive: How to Make Better Choices .)
So now you know your obstacles and you’re ready to
take the next step…
4. Use self-inquiry to build actionable “if-
then” responses for overcoming your
obstacles.
Mental contrasting is so helpful because it directly
weighs dreams against realities. It basically stress-
tests your desired outcomes. In other words,
questioning your dreams leads to insights about how
to proceed with them in the real world.
The bottom line is that while thinking positive is
important, it’s also important to ask questions that
help you actually build a plan for making real
progress.
So rather than just saying something positive like, “I
will lose weight,” start with a question like “Can I lose
weight?” (and this question leads to other obvious
questions, like “How?”)
Seems like a small difference, but questions are
powerful tools. They make you realistically consider
the problem and what’s truly required. From my
experience, those who use this kind of self-inquiry for
goal setting always outperform those who employ the
more conventional positive affirmation sort of self-
talk.
Questioning your dreams helps build actionable
plans. And actionable plans help you be more
productive, and eventually bring your dreams to
reality.
So what’s the best way to make sure your actionable
plan addresses your obstacles?
Create little “if-then” responses to all the (known)
challenges you face.
For instance, a simplified bit of self-inquiry might go
something like this:
Can I lose weight? Yes.
How? Skip dessert after dinner.  And…
“IF I’m eating out and others are ordering dessert,
THEN I will just order a coffee.”
Makes sense, doesn’t it? Simple, but a little different.
Closing Thoughts
Successful people are successful because they take
action.  They are taking action right now. And YOU
can be one of them.
So take the four steps above and start working
through them.  Yes, right now!  Reading is not doing!
Just like watching Shark Tank doesn’t make you an
entrepreneur, reading about what successful people
do doesn’t make you a success unless you follow in
their footsteps.
You want to go from dreamer to do-er? Try it now:
1. What do you dream of achieving?
2. What does the specific outcome of your success look
like?
3. What obstacles are standing between you and where
you want to be?
4. When an obstacle arises, what will you do about it?
“If _____ happens, then I will ______.”
And then take action!
Can you see how this strategy takes a simple dream
and puts you on a path to achieving it? I’m hoping
you’re nodding your head up and down.
But again, blog posts can’t change your life. Only
YOU can. Now go DO IT!
The floor is yours…
I’ll help start you off… Tell me:
What do you dream of achieving? What are you
going to do about it today?