10 ways to build better work relationships

Some people instantly make us feel important. Some people
instantly make us feel special. Some people light up a room just
by walking in.
We can’t always define it, but some people have “it” — they’re
naturally charismatic.
Unfortunately natural charisma quickly loses its impact.
Familiarity breeds, well, familiarity.
But some people are incredibly charismatic: they build and
maintain great relationships , positively influence the people
around them, consistently make people feel better about
themselves — they’re the kind of people everyone wants to be
around… and wants to be.
Fortunately we can all be more charismatic, because charisma
isn’t about our level of success, or our presentation skills, or how
we dress or the image we project — charisma is about what we
do.
Here are ways you can be more charismatic:
1. Listen way more than you talk.
Ask questions. Maintain eye contact. Smile. Frown. Nod.
Respond — not so much verbally, but non-verbally.
That’s all it takes to show the other person they’re important.
Then when you do speak, don’t offer advice unless you’re asked.
Listening shows you care a lot more than offering advice,
because when you offer advice in most cases you make the
conversation about you, not them.
Don’t believe me? Who is, “Here’s what I would do…” about: you,
or the other person?
Only speak when you have something important to say — and
always defineimportant as what matters to the other person, not
to you.
2. Don’t practice selective hearing.
Some people — I guarantee you know a few like this — are
incapable of hearing anything said by the people they feel are
somehow beneath them.
Sure, you speak to them, but that particular falling tree doesn’t
make a sound in the forest, because there’s no one actually
listening.
Incredibly charismatic people listen closely to everyone, and they
make all of us, regardless of our position or social status or
“level,” feel like we have something in common with them .
Because we do.
3. Always put your stuff away.
Don’t check your phone. Don’t glance at your monitor. Don’t
focus on anything else, even for a moment.
You can never connect with others if you’re busy connecting
with your stuff, too.
Give the gift of full attention. That’s a gift few people give. That
gift alone will make others want to be around you and remember
you.
4. Always give before you receive — knowing you may never
receive.
Never think about what you can get. Focus on what you can
provide. Giving is the only way to establish a real connection and
relationship.
Focus, even in part and even for a moment, on what you can get
out of the other person, and you show that the only person who
really matters is you.
Just give. Be remarkably giving. Don’t worry about whether you
will someday receive.
5. Don’t act self-important…
The only people who are impressed by your stuffy, pretentious,
self-important self are other stuffy, pretentious, self-important
people.
The rest of us aren’t impressed. We’re irritated, put off, and
uncomfortable.
And we aren’t too thrilled when you walk in the room.
6. …Since you know other people are more important.
You already know what you know. You know your opinions. You
know your perspective and point of view.
That stuff isn’t important, because it’s already yours. You can’t
learn anything from yourself.
But you don’t know what other people know, and everyone, no
matter who they are, knows things you don’t know.
That automatically makes them a lot more important than us
because they’re people we can learn from.
7. Shine the spotlight on others.
No one receives enough praise. No one. Tell people what they
did well.
Wait, you say you don’t know what they did well?
Shame on you — it’s your job to know. It’s your job to find out
ahead of time.
Not only will people appreciate your praise, they’ll appreciate the
fact you care enough to pay attention to what they do.
And they will feel a little more accomplished — and a lot more
important.
8. Choose your attitude — and your words.
The words you use affects the attitude of others — and it affects
you.
For example, you don’t have to go to a meeting; you get to go
meet with other people. You don’t have to create a presentation
for a new client; you get to share cool stuff with other people.
You don’t have to go to the gym; you get to work out and
improve your health and fitness.
You don’t have to interview job candidates; you get to select a
great person to join your team.
We all want to associate with happy, enthusiastic, fulfilled
people. The approach you take and the words you choose can
help other people feel better about themselves — and make you
feel better about yourself, too.
9. Don’t discuss the failings of others…
Granted, we all like hearing a little gossip. We all like hearing a
little dirt.
The problem is, we don’t necessarily like — and we definitely
don’t respect — the people who dish that dirt.
Don’t laugh at other people. When you do, the people around you
wonder if you sometimes laugh at them.
10. …But readily admit your own failings.
Incredibly successful people are often assumed to have
charisma simply because they are successful — their success
can seem to create a halo effect, almost like a glow.
The key word is “seem.”
You don’t have to be incredibly successful to be extremely
charismatic. Scratch the shiny surface, and many successful
people have the charisma of a rock.
But you do have to be incredibly genuine to be extremely
charismatic.
Be humble. Share your screwups. Admit your mistakes and be
the lesson learned.
And definitely laugh at yourself. When you do, other people won’t
laugh at you. They’ll laugh with you.
And they’ll like you better for it… and want to be around you a lot
more.