13 Habits of Exceptionally Likable People

Too many people succumb to the mistaken belief that
being likable comes from natural, unteachable traits that
belong only to a lucky few—the good looking, the fiercely
social, and the incredibly talented. It’s easy to fall prey
to this misconception. In reality, being likable is under
your control, and it’s a matter of emotional intelligence
(EQ).
In a study conducted at UCLA, subjects rated over 500
adjectives based on their perceived significance to
likeability. The top-rated adjectives had nothing to do
with being gregarious, intelligent, or attractive (innate
characteristics). Instead, the top adjectives were
sincerity, transparency, and capacity for understanding
(another person).
These adjectives, and others like them, describe people
who are skilled in the social side of emotional
intelligence. TalentSmart research data from more than
a million people shows that people who possess these
skills aren’t just highly likable, they outperform those
who don’t by a large margin.
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Related: 9 Things Successful People Won't Do
We did some digging to uncover the key behaviors that
emotionally intelligent people engage in that make them
so likable. Here are 13 of the best:
1. They Ask Questions
The biggest mistake people make when it comes to
listening is they’re so focused on what they’re going to
say next or how what the other person is saying is going
to affect them that they fail to hear what’s being said.
The words come through loud and clear, but the meaning
is lost.
A simple way to avoid this is to ask a lot of questions.
People like to know you’re listening, and something as
simple as a clarification question shows that not only are
you listening, you also care about what they’re saying.
You’ll be surprised how much respect and appreciation
you gain just by asking questions.
2. They Put Away Their Phones
Nothing will turn someone off to you like a mid-
conversation text message or even a quick glance at
your phone. When you commit to a conversation, focus
all of your energy on the conversation. You will find that
conversations are more enjoyable and effective when
you immerse yourself in them.
3. They Are Genuine
Being genuine and honest is essential to being likable.
No one likes a fake. People gravitate toward those who
are genuine because they know they can trust them. It is
difficult to like someone when you don’t know who they
really are and how they really feel.
Likable people know who they are. They are confident
enough to be comfortable in their own skin. By
concentrating on what drives you and makes you happy
as an individual, you become a much more interesting
person than if you attempt to win people over by making
choices that you think will make them like you.
4. They Don’t Pass Judgment
If you want to be likable you must be open-minded.
Being open-minded makes you approachable and
interesting to others. No one wants to have a
conversation with someone who has already formed an
opinion and is not willing to listen.
Having an open mind is crucial in the workplace where
approachability means access to new ideas and help. To
eliminate preconceived notions and judgment, you need
to see the world through other people’s eyes. This
doesn’t require you believe what they believe or condone
their behavior, it simply means you quit passing
judgment long enough to truly understand what makes
them tick. Only then can you let them be who they are.
5. They Don’t Seek Attention
People are averse to those who are desperate for
attention. You don’t need to develop a big, extroverted
personality to be likable. Simply being friendly and
considerate is all you need to win people over. When you
speak in a friendly, confident, and concise manner, you
will notice that people are much more attentive and
persuadable than if you try to show them you’re
important. People catch on to your attitude quickly and
are more attracted to the right attitude than what—or
how many people—you know.
When you’re being given attention, such as when you’re
being recognized for an accomplishment, shift the focus
to all the people who worked hard to help you get there.
This may sound cliché, but if it’s genuine, the fact that
you pay attention to others and appreciate their help will
show that you’re appreciative and humble—two
adjectives that are closely tied to likeability.
Related: How Successful People Stay Calm
6. They Are Consistent
Few things make you more unlikable than when you’re
all over the place. When people approach you, they like
to know whom they’re dealing with and what sort of
response they can expect. To be consistent you must be
reliable, and you must ensure that even when your mood
goes up and down it doesn’t affect how you treat other
people.
7. They Use Positive Body Language
Becoming cognizant of your gestures, expressions, and
tone of voice (and making certain they’re positive) will
draw people to you like ants to a picnic. Using an
enthusiastic tone, uncrossing your arms, maintaining eye
contact, and leaning towards the person who’s speaking
are all forms of positive body language that high-EQ
people use to draw others in. Positive body language can
make all the difference in a conversation.
It’s true that how you say something can be more
important than what you say.
8. They Leave a Strong First Impression
Research shows most people decide whether or not they
like you within the first seven seconds of meeting you.
They then spend the rest of the conversation internally
justifying their initial reaction. This may sound terrifying,
but by knowing this you can take advantage of it to
make huge gains in your likeability. First impressions are
tied intimately to positive body language. Strong posture,
a firm handshake, smiling, and opening your shoulders
to the person you are talking to will help ensure that your
first impression is a good one.
9. They Greet People by Name
Your name is an essential part of your identity, and it
feels terrific when people use it. Likable people make
certain they use others’ names every time they see
them. You shouldn’t use someone’s name only when you
greet him. Research shows that people feel validated
when the person they’re speaking with refers to them by
name during a conversation.
If you’re great with faces but have trouble with names,
have some fun with it and make remembering people’s
names a brain exercise. When you meet someone, don’t
be afraid to ask her name a second time if you forget it
right after you hear it. You’ll need to keep her name
handy if you’re going to remember it the next time you
see her.
10. They Smile
People naturally (and unconsciously) mirror the body
language of the person they’re talking to. If you want
people to like you, smile at them during a conversation
and they will unconsciously return the favor and feel
good as a result.
11. They Know When To Open Up
Be careful to avoid sharing personal problems and
confessions too quickly, as this will get you labeled a
complainer. Likable people let the other person guide
when it’s the right time for them to open up.
12. They Know Who To Touch (and They
Touch Them)
When you touch someone during a conversation, you
release oxytocin in their brain, a neurotransmitter that
makes their brain associate you with trust and a slew of
other positive feelings. A simple touch on the shoulder, a
hug, or a friendly handshake is all it takes to release
oxytocin. Of course, you have to touch the right person
in the right way to release oxytocin, as unwanted or
inappropriate touching has the opposite effect. Just
remember, relationships are built not just from words,
but also from general feelings about each other.
Touching someone appropriately is a great way to show
you care.
13. They Balance Passion and Fun
People gravitate toward those who are passionate. That
said, it’s easy for passionate people to come across as
too serious or uninterested because they tend to get
absorbed in their work. Likable people balance their
passion with the ability to have fun. At work they are
serious, yet friendly. They still get things done because
they are socially effective in short amounts of time and
they capitalize on valuable social moments. They
minimize small talk and gossip and instead focus on
having meaningful interactions with their coworkers.
They remember what you said to them yesterday or last
week, which shows that you’re just as important to them
as their work.
Related: How Your Daily Caffeine Fix Is a Silent Killer
of Success
Bringing It All Together
Likable people are invaluable and unique. They network
with ease, promote harmony in the workplace, bring out
the best in everyone around them, and generally seem to
have the most fun. Add these skills to your repertoire
and watch your likeability soar!